I know, it’s a strange title, but it’s very accurate for the time being. When I first read “First Call Out” by Amanda Larson, I took some of her more personal advice with a grain of salt. For example, Larson goes into detail about some of the “side-effects” you may feel with training for bodybuilding competitions such as: Food obsessions, extreme hunger/tiredness, irritability, and social isolation. Another note she mentions is the feeling that you’re losing your femininity with your weight and body fat loss. She was right.

Larson gives in-depth advice on competition federations, competition suits, diets, trainers, etc.
Larson gives in-depth advice on competition federations, competition suits, diets, trainers, etc.

For those of you that haven’t known me since grade school and are following my progress, I’ve been “well-endowed” up top since about 7th or 8th grade. I’ve been a 32DDD since I was 15 years old, and that has never changed. I was even remeasured at the Victoria’s Secret in San Marcos the first week of August and purchased several bras, all 32DDDs. Just not, not even 20 minutes ago, I put on one of those new bras only to discover that it actually covers far more than it should. I’ve gone down at least one cup size, if not two.

I had convinced myself upon beginning this journey that I had more than enough “room” to spare. I think I was wrong. Now, I’m terrified that by the time I hit the stage, I won’t have ANYTHING up top; my feminine look and curves will be completely gone. This scares me to a point that I didn’t think was possible. All these years I would have killed to have a smaller chest, but now that I have it I hate it. I don’t want to be “that girl with the implants”. I’m serious. I’ve been accused of having implants before, and it didn’t go well for that person.

In short, I’m forced to watch as my womanhood dissipates. I’m going to try to embrace these changes with a positive outlook: My bras will be cheaper and cuter now- they won’t look like they’re going to eat my soul every time I pull them out of the drawer (Heather knows what I’m talking about).

Advertisements